Or, Why Is It Difficult to Move On with Life?
I came across this article about an interview with Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez whose attitude is perceived by many to be sour grapes. For the beauty pageant aficionados, Ariadna was the five-minute Miss Universe in 2015. Pageant host Steve Harvey misread his cue card and announced that Miss Colombia had won the title. Minutes later, he came back to apologize and rectify to the whole wide world, the entire universe, rather, that the real winner was Pia Wurtzbach of the Philippines. It is a refresher course just in case you have already forgotten that ludicrous blunder on international TV. In this article published just recently, Ariadna said she was not expecting Pia to be her closest rival to the crown. She said the Miss Philippines candidate was not noticeable enough to gain attention in a crowd of beautiful women coming from around the world. She even compared Pia to a ghost who was not a standout beauty even among her fellow Asian candidates. Come on, girl, move on! It has been five years since that embarrassing defeat, and you seem to be not getting over it yet.
Easier said than done, I soon realized afterward. To move on is one of the hardest things to do for many people who went through a sudden loss, a heart-wrenching breakup, or a traumatic event. Part of being a human being (Is that a redundancy?) is to be hurt and bruised in the battlefield of life. Sometimes we are left with no option but to wave that white flag. I attest to the fact that moving forward is such an arduous process that one has to go through. For me, nursing a broken heart is a real challenge and coming out of a failed relationship is a formidable task. It took me five years to finally move on and leave the past behind. (I understand you now, Ariadna. It has only been five years since that unceremonious snatching of the crown from your head.) For me, moving on was an ordeal that I fought on my own by myself alone. (Now, this one is a redundancy, I tell you.) Is there a secret recipe to a successful moving on from life tragedies with you emerging victorious from a series of unfortunate events? If there is such a formula, I have never found one. It just hit me that life goes on, and the world keeps turning around. There are more reasons to be happy than to sulk in a corner and wallow in the pain of a broken heart. Time heals all wounds, they say. But some lesions leave a big scar that will forever remind us of our temporary defeat or setback. It is a constant reminder of that moment when we got stuck in the mud, unable to move forward, feeling hopeless. Everything was at a standstill. I remember that zombie feeling while trying to go on with my daily activities without a clear purpose or direction. It took me some five years to put an ending to that chapter so that I could jump on to the next story.
Endings are necessary. There is a need for closure. It is not a sign of defeat, but a redirection. Whether in personal life or professional life, we have to let go and walk away from that situation that held us up and drained us of our creative juices and zest for life. And again, walking away is not easy. The struggle is real. It is like going against the force of gravity and finding yourself being pulled back to the same situation over and over again. Why can some people not get out of that abusive relationship? Why can you not get past your ex-partner who cheated on you a hundred times? Why has life suddenly become useless after the death of a loved one? What keeps you from pursuing that dream that leads you nowhere and makes you go around in circles? Why do you stay in a job that does not make you feel productive anymore? Why do you keep on holding on to that toxic relationship with a friend? Why do you cling to a false hope that your broken family ties will soon change and improve? Why makes it so difficult to move on with life? That is the question I posed at the beginning, right? Right.
One possible reason why we continue to hang on to a person, a situation, or a dream is the attachment we developed towards them. As a result, getting rid of them from our life becomes painful and unimaginable. We choose to ignore it and avoid confronting the issue head-on because we are afraid of hurting other people with our decision to stand up and say, This is it! It’s over! One lesson I learned from home gardening is that pruning is necessary for the plant to grow healthy and allow it to bear more buds. Cutting off branches or twigs is beneficial for the plant to sustain its resources and concentrate on nourishing itself and thereby producing more fruits and flowers. I find it painful to cut those sturdy branches off my tomato plants because of those tiny flowers that are clinging on to them. Pruning is necessary for life, too. It conserves our time and energy and redirects them to more important concerns. Some people in our life how much alive they appear, have long been dead to us for a long time. Without us knowing it, they consume our power to survive, slowly cripple us to move ahead, and suck our will to live. Maybe it is about time to let go of that colleague in your department who is not contributing to the goals of your unit. Stop hoping that your ex, who has found a new partner, will come back to sweep you off your feet again. Say goodbye to that friend who was never a friend to you in the first place. Put an end to spending time and money on issues that do not work anymore. Start moving on with your life. So, girl, stop talking about the more deserving girl who took away the crown that was never yours.
Now, if you will excuse me, I am busy moving on with my life.